Blue Sorbet

so sullen is the day

so sullen is the day and i wonder why everyone seems to be so darn attratcive. everyone but me, that is. but what a slefish assumption. how terribly rude. boorish. blech. i bore myself. do i bore others, this way i torture my reflection? idon't think so. i am so often sad without knowing why. there is something amiss here. i am missing out on a critical part of life. what is lost? who is losing? i know not where i sleep. i know not the place i live, the sidewalks i wander, the rain i feel on parked collages of wood chips and wrought iron, painted.

please hold on to me life. i am so melodramatic wheni get like this. but i need direciton. i need success to give me that direction. but how? how does one arrive... i have matured in ways as the passage of time commences, but there are areas where upon i feel i have regressed, or become stupider, duller. there are areas that seem to be lacking. my self starter needs its own self starter. i only like getting high and listening to music. sometimes i watch cartoons. i think its d funny that i like the justice league so much. no commercials. great super hero premise. handles them all very well. good action. decent story. butbasically heroes kickign ass. i like the concept of heroes. i like to imagine people who are able to break oustide the norm and do something amazing.

i want to do somethign amazing. i want to be amazing, viewed as amazing, somehting.

how could i chieve this? where might i find a treasure such as this, in deep laid caves or high strung ranges? rock ragnes.

i am tired. its beena long day. it is alwaqys a long day when your love goes away. i ate to much this evening. i have been trying to cut back, trying to lose some of this flub that gathers around my waist. worst of all is the thickening around my jaw, making my face fround and moon like. i do not look well as a short, roly poly bearded man. i look better slightly emaciated, with a little heroin junky thrown in. but i need my comfort. i need my food. i hate food for that reason. i am addicted to pelasure. pelasure from eating. pleasure from pleasrue.

arg. i cannot see the words i am typing this evening. my montior went dark, and i do not care to fix it. i will simply press return and post this. good night. whoever you are.